Chapter 88

Ciara screamed as she woke up from her nightmare. Sweat streamed down her body, gluing her nightdress to her skin.

Flashes of his wild eyes and pain....so much heartbreaking pain slashed through her. Somebody got hurt, hurt real bad. The woman’s scream froze her veins in fear, there was blood so much blood! It mingled with another kind of pain, heart wrenching, soul dying pain...

Slamming her hand to her chest, she tried to rub the physical pain away, it was choking her, making her want to cry from the devastating effect it had on her. The tears rushed down her cheeks while she stared at the dark walls in her room.

~~~

Jon found himself by the river. It felt like something had ripped his heart right out of his chest and fed it to him.

He was losing everything! His wife, his kids...his whole fucking life!

How long did you expect her to wait for you? You think its fair she waits for you day after day while you fuck other women, drinking their blood?

The voice just wouldn’t let up and as much as he hated the voice he knew it was right. So fucking right!

Closing his eyes, he focused on the one thing he knew would take away the pain...even if it was for only a few stolen moments.

She was in her bed, her nightdress clung to her skin, her face flushed with sleep. Oh God what he wouldn’t give to hold her right now, she would take away the pain somehow, he just knew it. She was panting, and he cringed as he tasted the saltiness of her tears on his tongue...was she having a bad dream?

Why did he feel this way about Ciara? Where was all gonna go with her? And why in the name of God did all this hurt so much if he didn’t love Dot anymore? He had to let her go, he couldn’t offer her what she wanted but dammit this is gonna be hard! Would he lose his kids’ love and respect? If he couldn’t give Dot what she needed how in the hell will he be able to offer Ciara anything? She was flesh and blood just like his Dot...Dot...not his anymore, he corrected himself.

Uncertainty and doubt was his worst enemy right now.

He turned to walk back to the house. He had to make sure Dot was ok. He had almost ripped her throat open!

He found her in the bedroom, all cleaned up and despite her paleness she seemed to be just fine.

She was by his side in an instant, touching the slight red skin on her neck, she smiled.

“It healed up completely. Thank you. Another thing I didn’t know you could do.”

He snorted.

“Don’t thank me Sweetheart. I almost killed you. It’s the least I could do.”

“Are you ok?”

Ok? FUCK NO!

“Yeah. I’ll be alright.”

“I still love you.”

It was a cruel joke.

“Oh please Dot. Don’t make this even worse.”

She was crying again, he body shaking.

“Don’t do this Jon! Don’t make this any harder than it should be!”

“How much harder can I make it Dot? You are the one playing mind games for fuck’s sake! Love Bill...love me...why can’t you make your mind up?”

“Stop it! Just please stop it! I need you to listen to me, don’t you think it’s hard for me to tell you this? God Jon! I love you, I always will and no matter what happens, your secret will always be safe with me but Jon I can’t do this anymore. I cannot live another day without being loved. I need to feel loved, I need human touch. I need to feel needed...” Her eyes were bright in her face.

“Then why are you doing this? I love you too, I always will. Why do we need to make this hard on our kids?”

“ You don’t need me and what I want to give, you don’t want. I’m not the one you want, haven’t been for a long time. Do you realise since you’ve told me that you are a vampire you’ve never touched me, never Jon...not once. When you are here you are absent, your mind is elsewhere. I just can’t be that woman for you, no matter how hard I try. Look at me, I’m getting older and you? I need a normal life Jon...I’m sorry.”

So this is what a life like his brought, loneliness and abandonment.

Taking her face in his hands, he drew her closer for a soft kiss on her forehead.

“I’m sorry for everything I’ve put you through these past years. I tried to protect you by not...coming close to you. I didn’t trust myself and in the process I pushed you away. I understand how you feel and I support you 100%. I just wished it could be different but you should never feel inadequate, if someone is to blame it’s me. Only me.”

Pushing his forehead against hers, their tears mingled as it streamed down their faces. A lot of hurt and regret was going on, materializing as lonely tears mapping down their faces, bonding the couple as they held on to each other.

“You are such a good man.” She sniffed through the tears.

“Vampire you mean.” He responded playfully.

“May I ask you one last favour?”

“Shoot.” He would have brought the moon down if she wanted it.

“Please spent a couple of days with us...me and the kids I mean.”

Nodding slowly, he smiled.

“That I can do.”