Chapter 56

Jon sat in the visitor’s chair, welcoming the darkness of the night enveloping him, shielding him from the hatred spearing from her eyes. Darkness had become his friend these days, his dark, cold friend…

Her breathing was slow and rhythmic but he knew it would be replaced with low sobs soon. She was carrying her burden all by herself, refusing any support from him, giving instructions that she didn’t want to be disturbed, especially by her husband.

He had waited for nightfall before he dared to enter her room again. She was given a sedative but the potent injection couldn’t even rescind the hurt of a heartbroken mother.

“Jon?” the soft whisper had him sit up. His breath caught in his throat.

“I know you are here, I can feel you….your cologne…Jon?”

An invisible hand kept him glued to his seat, his voice faltered. Just when he almost pounced onto the bed, he heard her tiny sigh, saw her turn onto her side, her back towards him.

Was he wrong not to go to her? He couldn’t handle any more rejection, not from her, not his Dot.

Her heart had slowed down again, she was sleeping. Sliding from the chair, he closed the space between him and the hospital bed. Reaching out, he stroked the dark, shiny hair, taking care not to wake her.

She moved towards the caress, whispering his name.

Slipping onto the bed, he inched closer, shielding her body with his. With slow deliberate strokes did he map out the slimness of her arms, tracing slow patterns onto her skin. She suddenly shifted closer, pressing her curves into his, seeking the warmth radiating from him.

The urge to hold her to him superseded his fear of her waking up and he flattened his palm against the gentle swell of her stomach, swallowing the lump threatening to choke the life out of him.

Flashes of raw, painful emptiness pierced his thoughts and he spread his palm, willing his energy towards the empty womb of his wife, feeling it contract beneath his hand, willing it to heal. A soft moan vibrated between her lips, but her eyelids remained closed.

“I love you baby….I need you to get better…please get better for me…if not for me… for our children. I’m sorry for what I’ve put you through…I wouldn’t have told you about me if I knew…” Warm, salty tears disappeared into her hair. “I’m sorry…so very sorry…and if you aren’t able to accept me the way I am, I’ll understand, but know I’ll always be there for you…you and the kids. I’ll always love you no matter what happens…always.” His lips found the tiny tick on her temple but this time it held no magical spell.

The heat subsided as soon as he reached the end of his tether. His body felt drained and empty. His eyelids felt heavy and he snuggled closer, promising himself just a few minutes of respite.

Dorothea drifted back to consciousness. It was good to have him with her again, his warm arms, his breath in her neck…the uncomfortable bed brought her back to reality and her eyes flew open, the previous day slamming into her.

Jon felt her stiffen against him. He had fallen asleep!

“Jon! Jon?” Dorothea shifted, turning around, she found…nothing. He wasn’t there! Was she going out of her mind now?

Reaching for the glass of water, something caught her eye. A dent in the pillow, next to hers…he was here!

The dream she had, was it real? Did he say all those things?  Did he really touched her stomach? The warmth, the pain easing…who ..what was he?

Tears wiggled down her cheeks. For the first time she felt so lonely…so awfully lonely.